I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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