You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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