i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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