i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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