my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
