You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
