sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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