so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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