yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
