I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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