singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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