I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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