Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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