The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
