I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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