I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
