mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
