roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
