I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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