So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
