Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
