how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize