Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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