Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize