just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drunk is not a location!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
