you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
