Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
