Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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