it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
