see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
