i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
