Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
