Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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