omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When did angry sex become our thing?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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