We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
