nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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