Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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