If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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