I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just cut my nipple shaving
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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