Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
