i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
