I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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