People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
