I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
