I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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