Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
