and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
