yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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