He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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