Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
