Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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