Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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