It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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