that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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