can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So many bounce houses so little time
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
