i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
