Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
