so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
