Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
