So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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