Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
