dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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