I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
