Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
pray to the hookup gods
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
