It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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