It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
