Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
