Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
