bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
