Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
