Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
