soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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