I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i love accidental penises.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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