At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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