i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
