youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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