My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
