he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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