one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
