the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
