So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
