i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
