omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
